Secrets and Charms
by Kendra Luehr
Summary: Julia asks Marina for the truth about Brakebills (among other things).


**A/N:** Since we (more than likely) won't find out what Marina did at Brakebills, I decided to make my own headcanons into a one-shot. I also included a bit of Marina's background, but not _too_ much since she's not forthcoming unless she feels it benefits herself. Some of you might have possibly seen part of this on my Tumblr RP account (topbitchinnewyork), so I promise this original headcanon belongs to me. Feel free to follow me at **musicboxmemories** on my main account, because I'm making plenty of Marina (and Marina/Julia) stuff to cure my angst. Anyway, I love Marina and am still super sad, but I hope you enjoy!

"Secrets and Charms"

"There you are."

With her proud, overly exaggerated swagger, Marina joined Julia out on the rooftop of her apartment, her arms folding as she stopped alongside the other woman. "Getting existential without me?"

Julia snorted, not responding as she took another drag from her cigarette. When Marina held out a hand, she grudgingly relinquished it and leaned against the railing.

"You know, standing underneath the stars doesn't help you feel less powerless – if anything, it reminds you of how unimportant you truly are," Marina said, bringing the cigarette to her lips. "Trust me. I've spent more than enough time trying to figure shit out."

Julia glanced her way. "And did you?"

"Does anyone?" Shrugging, Marina took another drag before passing the cigarette back to Julia. "Beating yourself up about this won't make you a stronger hedge. Hell, it won't do much for the morale, either. You're kind of bringing me down here, Jules."

Julia allowed a smile at that, though it never quite reached her eyes. "Is that why you act like you don't give a shit about anything?"

"Act?"

"Come on." Julia looked at Marina then, clear skepticism on her face. "People who say nothing fazes them are typically the ones who care the most."

Marina rolled her eyes. "And just where did you read that one, Freud? In the chapter before or _after_ my daddy issues?"

"I'm serious! If you've been hurt, it's not shameful to show that you're human."

"Sorry." Marina waved a hand. "I don't have some deep, tragic backstory that leads to why I'm the way that I am – I just _am,_ and damn good at it, too."

Julia narrowed her eyes. "Then what happened at Brakebills? Your name gets dropped on occasion, but nobody ever seems willing to talk beyond that."

"Maybe they're afraid they'll conjure me if they say my name three times," Marina quipped. With a simper, she turned and sat against the railing. "What do you want me to say? Brakebills is old news."

Julia frowned. "Well, I'd say that the truth is always a good place to start. If we're going to work together – if we're finally going to be _friends_ – I think you at the very least owe me that much."

Marina's chin tensed and she looked down at her boots. "Very well. Where would you like me to start?"

"Typically, I find that the beginning works best."

"Fine. Once upon a time, th-"

"Cut the shit."

With a smirk, Marina plucked the cigarette from Julia's hand and brought it to her lips. "You're so _pushy_ \- I love that in a woman." Inhaling a deep, silvery bloom, she expelled it into the air before tilting her head back. Brakebills was not a topic Marina ever wished to discuss – not unless it involved knocking it apart brick by _brick_. Nevertheless, she smoothly crossed her legs and handed the cigarette back to Julia, now clasping her knee as a tight smile tugged at her lips. "As much as I hate to admit it, perhaps I have a bit of a 'deep, tragic backstory,' after all. You see, I discovered I had magic _long_ before I entered Brakebills. To be frank, it scared the shit out of me. I spent years researching magic and how to hone my craft, but you know how the internet is." She shrugged. "It gave me a fat load of nothing, so I was forced to figure shit out on my own. And one day, I got too angry and kind of...hurt my dad during an argument."

Julia raised an eyebrow. "Hurt, or...?"

"Killed," Marina thickly supplied. "My mom still blames me for it, so I guess it's pretty obvious that we're estranged. But no, before you ask, she did _not_ involve the police, because she's done her own illegal dabblings. So not long after she kicked me out of the house, I got an invitation to Brakebills, and the rest is history."

"Well yeah, but...nobody seems to _know_ your history. What happened then?"

"I was at the top of my class throughout my tutelage. Dean Fogg appraised my skill – hell, he even went as far as to say I was the _best_ he'd ever seen – and I let it get to my head. What can I say?" Marina held her hands out with a simper. "I'm _hot shit."_

Finally, she lost her smile and she shrugged, seeming to dismiss her own accolades. "Like I said, I let it get to my head. I started offering to tutor the lesser students, and like the mindless little lemmings that they were, they looked up to me like a goddess. That _also_ got to my head, and before I knew it, I was starting a coups of sorts. I wanted to prove I was better than _any_ of those stuffed shirts at Brakebills, so I put on a presentation. In other words, I used my magic to enchant the entire campus. One professor was killed during the demonstration." Her eyes were dark as she uncrossed her legs. "Needless to say, they weren't too keen on giving me a second chance. I was expelled for my efforts, and then I decided to start my own school. My best student migrated to the west coast, and we both taught as many hedges as we could. We figured that one day, we could be superior to Brakebills. Hell, I think we _are_ superior to those elitist bags of dicks. They wouldn't know greatness even if it crawled out of their own ass."

Julia's brow pinched, her eyes appearing conflicted. "Jesus, that's..."

 _"Awful?_ C'mon, Julia, I know you're the straitlaced type. I won't lie and say I felt _good_ about it, 'cause I don't, but sometimes you've just got to forget what's holding you back."

Hesitant, Julia reached over and laid a hand on Marina's arm. "I'm sorry about your dad."

Marina snorted, though there was a crack in her composure as she tossed her head. "It's fine. He helped me become the top bitch I am today."

"And you're happy with...?"

"Happiness is irrelevant."

"Well with that attitude, maybe, but I don't think your dad would've wanted you t-"

"You _don't_ know my dad," Marina bit out, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I don't want to hear your hopeful, sanctimonious _bullshit_ on top of everything else, okay? To be frank, you're fucking _exhausting_ sometimes."

"But-"

"I'm going back inside."

Catching Marina by the wrist, Julia nailed her in place with her wounded, pleading eyes. "Marina, I've been wrong about a lot of things, but I am _not_ wrong about this. Even if you don't believe me, I just want you to know that you're not alone. And guess what? You may not have family by blood, but you have _me."_

Marina's mouth twitched. "If you're expecting a reciprocation, you're not going to get one."

"I'd be worried if I did." Julia offered a small smile then, to which Marina chose to ignore. "Want another smoke?"

Grudgingly, Marina turned back around and palmed a cigarette from her pocket. "Might as well," she agreed. "It's almost midnight, and I'd forgotten how fucking _loud_ my neighbor is when he gets home from work."

Watching Marina light her own cigarette, Julia felt something tug deep inside her heart. The hedgewitch was cruel and oftentimes merciless, but she wasn't inhuman or beyond redemption. Marina had helped her - she'd _saved_ her from a dark place, in fact - and now Julia was determined to return the favor.


End file.
